Ring of Doom
by luffysama
Summary: Zoro becomes engaged to Sanji, much to his despair. Zosan
1. Chapter 1

**Ring of Doom**

_By Luffysama_

**Summary: **Zoro becomes engaged to Sanji, much to his despair.

**Pairing: **Zoro x Sanji, ZoSan

**Rating: **M for future chapters.

* * *

><p>The waves crashed against the ship.<p>

Lanterns swayed in the dark. In the distance, the sound of a ship's bell ringing from the wind. The night was whistling with a cold easterly wind, and the sea was only gradually recovering from a night long worth of storm. Although the rain had stopped, the ship was still damp with moisture.

A hand flicked a ring into the air, before catching it again gracefully.

There, standing on the deck, was their 'guest' from the Black Ship. A tall elegant woman, clothed in dark purple cloth. Her hair stood out in bright contrast to the night, a gleaming waterfall of blonde locks. Her blue eyes darted across the deck, smiling as she assessed the competition.

Luffy stood in front of her, looking unthreatened. Afterall, the Black Ship had not even bothered trying to attack the Going Merry – it seemed as if the lady Captain wanted to talk.

Nami on the other hand, was suspicious.

"What do you want?" She yelled over the seaspray.

The blonde captain gave a catlike smile. "I'm here to visit somebody actually. Someone I have not seen in a long time."

Luffy tilted his head. "Really? Who?"

"Luffy! This could be a trap," Nami blurted.

The blonde simply laughed as she twirled the small golden ring in her hand. "Trap? You could say that," she mused out loud. "But you needn't worry. This particular trap was set 5 years ago… there's not much you can do about it now."

Luffy's gaze darkened. "You're being confusing."

"Yeah, are you going to tell us who you are or are we going to have to kick you off the ship?" Usopps loud voice called out, though he was slowly edging his way to behind Nami's back where it was safe.

"Aho," Nami slapped him. "Don't intimidate them for no reason. Their ship is huge!"

"I've seen bigger ships!" Usopp retaliated, but shrunk back quickly when Nami shook her fist.

That was when Zoro stepped forward.

"She's here to see me."

* * *

><p>"She's here to see me."<p>

Zoro's throat dried. The time had come.

_Shit, shit, shit_, he thought to himself as he forced himself to step out from the shadows, one hand clinging tightly to his swords. They were useless to him at the moment – swords would not cut him free from the trap this devil woman had laid years ago.

Heart pounding, he managed to make his way over to Luffy's side.

"Eh? You know her?" The young captain looked sincerely baffled.

Zoro gritted his teeth.

"I do," He said reluctantly. "Lady Sierra."

The blonde woman flashed a renewed smile of triumph. _God_, she had not changed a bit… Zoro glared silently as the lady's features were refreshed in his mind. Tall, sinewy, cloaked in velvety black. Her nose was regal and sharp, and her eyes as blue as icicles. Her hair was just as long as it was five years ago, falling gracefully down to her petit waist.

The devil herself, Zoro grimaced. She was a beautiful person, but she was a trickster.

His heart skipped a beat as he saw Lady Sierra holding the gold ring between her fingers.

"Roronoa Zoro. Handsome as ever," She cracked a laugh.

Zoro felt himself heat up with partial humiliation.

"Oi, this lady trapped you?" Luffy raised an eyebrow, surprised at his first mate.

"No way. Someone trapping Zoro, that must be one dangerous lady," Usopp muttered, shaking Nami's shoulders.

"I see you've been keeping secrets from your crew," Lady Sierra sighed wistfully. "No matter. I'll keep it short. This man here, _Roronoa Zoro_, fell into my engagement trap. He's had five years to escape, but now that his time limit is up, he's to marry me."

Silence fell across the ship.

Zoro squeezed his fists tightly, unable to meet their gazes.

"Ro…Roronoa Zoro… is it true?" Nami grabbed the railing. "She's saying you have to marry her? Why haven't you told any of us about it?"

"Because," Zoro erupted, glaring at the wooden deck. His heart was racing – he knew this day was inevitable. But he had no idea that Lady Sierra would track him down in the Grand Line so well.

"I, Lady Sierra, have successfully captured Zoro. You'll now become one of my nakanama and join my crew," The blonde captain announced triumphantly.

The gold ring gleamed in the air as she held it out. "Come!" She demanded.

Zoro was about to move before Luffy's arm hit his stomach, holding him back.

"Just wait a second there," the captain grunted. "He's _my_ nakanama."

Zoro's eyes widened as he stared at the boy, swallowing thickly. _Was he… was he going to stop her?_ He felt his spirits lift, despite knowing it was futile. There was no way he could break his promise to Lady Sierra, no matter how much he loathed the idea of forced marriage, or having to leave Luffy, or having to leave his dream of becoming the world's greatest swordsman.

Sighing, he gripped the rubberman's arm and pushed it away gently.

"We both know," Zoro began. Luffy's eyes looked despaired. "We both know I have to. I'd rather die than to break my promises."

Luffy's arm retracted. The captain's lower lip wobbled slightly, and Zoro wondered if Luffy was going to succumb to tears.

"That's right! You can't go!"

Usopp's voice yelled across the ship.

Zoro spun around, and this time all the attention was focused on the sharpshooter. Zoro raised an eyebrow, frowning at the man. Didn't he just say he had no choice but to leave?

Nami whacked Usopp around the head. "Aho! This is about honor now!"

Usopp winced loudly, bouncing from foot to foot.

"I know! That's precisely why Zoro can't go. Zoro…. Zoro is… he's already engaged!" Usopp screamed.

Zoro almost choked.

"Nani!" Nami and Luffy echoed. "What the hell are you talking about!"

Zoro's hand gripped the sword – that stupid sharpshooter was really tempting him. Simply lying to get his way out was not an option. Not at all. Usopp noticed the dark glares he was receiving and laughed nervously, edging back a little more.

"But he is engaged!" He insisted. "I swear! He has to keep his promise!"

"Aho!" Nami hissed, but it was too late.

"Engaged?"

Lady Sierra's voice curled through the air, suspicious. The smile had gone from her face, and now she was looking between Usopp and Zoro with curiousity. Twirling the ring back into her hand, her sharp blue eyes darted back to Usopp.

"Engaged to who?"

_Don't you dare,_ Zoro thought to himself, shooting daggers with his eyes.

"Why, to the most beautiful blonde in the grand line," Usopp announced, shoving Nami aside. A dreamy grin spread across his face as he put his foot up onto the rail, looking majestic. "Yes yes, Zoro spent the past year searching for his one true love across the entire ocean. Someone who could fill his heart with warmth, and joy. Someone beautiful and worthy of protection. Someone to accompany his dreams across the Grand Line!"

Zoro froze.

_The most beautiful blonde…?_ Zoro was baffled. He gritted his teeth and drew out one sword, pointing it at the liar.

"AHO!" He yelled. "Just what do you think you're doing!"

Usopp promptly ignored him.

"This beautiful blonde… hair as yellow as the golden sun, eyes as blue as the open sky. Yes, the moment Zoro saw this blonde, he fell head over heels in love. To this day, they're engaged to become married."

"And who exactly _is_ this blonde?" Nami raised her fist threateningly.

"This blonde… is SANJI, OUR BRILLIANT COOK."

* * *

><p>Shall I continue?<p>

I might anyway lol. ^^

x


	2. Chapter 2

**Ring of Doom**

_By Luffysama_

**Summary: **Zoro becomes engaged to Sanji, much to his despair.

**Pairing: **Zoro x Sanji, ZoSan

**Rating: **M for future chapters.

* * *

><p>"<em>This blonde… is SANJI, OUR BRILLIANT COOK."<em>

_Zoro spluttered._

"_Yes, that's right!" Nami suddenly yelled, slapping a hand to her forhead. "I completely forgot! He's engaged isn't he, Luffy?"_

_A broad grin snapped across Luffy's face. "RIGHT! Engaged! Totally in love with Sanji!"_

"_No denying it!" Usopp grinned. _

_Zoro paled as he realized the entire crew had turned against him. There was no escaping his fate now. Perhaps, he thought to himself, Sanji would do them both a favour and kick him across the ocean before this idiotic 'plan' went any further._

* * *

><p>Sanji hummed to himself as he stirred the onions in the pan.<p>

A good hearty curry was what the entire crew needed. They had spent hours battling with the sea storm outside, trying to keep the ship from being swallowed up by the raging ocean. Now that the winds were finally dying down, it was safe to go about cooking in the Galley again.

He tossed the golden onions into the large pot, stirring it into the curry sauce. He dipped a wooden spoon in and tasted it, smiling at the taste. _Perfect._

Sanji was the latest crew member of the Straw hats.

Things had been hectic ever since he had joined, and for a long while, Sanji was beginning to question whether it had been a good idea. Luffy, the damned rubber boy captain, seemed to attract danger from every corner of the sea.

However, lately things had calmed down enough to finally enjoy what he did best. Cooking.

Sanji lit himself a new cigarette.

He jumped slightly as Luffy barged in through the doors, panting heavily.

"Oi! Sanji! Is it dinnertime yet? I hope you made extra!"

"It's coming," Sanji said smoothly. "I always cook enough for you to eat."

"I meant we have a guest!" Luffy hastily added, a big grin across his face.

Sanji raised an eyebrow, looking at the door as the others filed in.

Black boots.

A swish of rich purple velvet.

Creamy blonde hair, cascading over the glimmering cape. Sanji felt his jaw drop as he stared at the gorgeous beauty in front of him, smiling back with a perfect pearly white smile and diamond blue eyes. As usual, his reaction to a beautiful lady made his heart race and a pleasant hum fill his mind.

"Pleased to meet you, Sanji kun," The lady's voice sounded like music to his ears.

He was about to drop to his knees and greet her, before he was suddenly tackled by a very enthusiastic looking Nami.

"Sanji, Sanji, Sanji," Nami laughed nervously. "This is Lady Sierra. She's come to see you and your _fiance_."

Sanji froze.

Fiance? He looked at Nami with a baffled face.

"You know," Nami continued encouragingly, winking. "With the marimo?"

Sanji blinked. "What are you talking about? Zoro?"

"Of course, Zoro!" Usopp laughed, joining his other side and whacking him on the back enthusiastically. "Sanji and Zoro, right?"

For a brief moment, Sanji wondered if they had been infected with sea madness.

The galley door creaked as the last member of the crew entered.

Roronoa Zoro.

The man walked into the room, a dismal look plastered across his face. His muscular arms were folded tightly over his chest, eye's forcing themselves to look back at Sanji. Nami and Usopp shoved the blonde chef towards the taller man, and Sanji stumbled slightly, completely confused as the message began to sink in.

_No. No, way._

"Hi darling," Zoro forced out through gritted teeth.

Sanji iced up, shivers running through his body as if a bucket of cold water had been poured over him. The god damned crew had landed him in another one of their god damned problems.

_Shit!_

* * *

><p>Zoro could've died on the spot.<p>

The look Sanji was giving him was… indescribable. The chef looked like he was about to explode. His entire body had gone fantastically rigid, and his eyes were fixated on him with a killer look.

_Shit_, Zoro clenched his fists. _Come on shit cook. _

_Kick me. _

_Kick me and we can get out of this mess._

He glared harder at the blonde chef, hoping his psychic messages would somehow reach the shitty cook. However, Sanji was still frozen to the spot, unmoving. Zoro even tilted his face slightly to the side, clearly inviting the other man to give him a well aimed kick across the face.

_Zoro couldn't believe he actually wanted Sanji to kick him for once._

He almost grinned as he saw Sanji finally shift his left leg.

"Darling?" The voice questioned icily. Sanji lifted his foot, tapping it against the floor with anticipation.

_Yes_! Zoro braced himself for the kick, but was disappointed when Nami patted Sanji's shoulder.

"Time for dinner, I'm starving," she cooed, then in a lower whisper; "Please play along, for me?"

As expected, Sanji immediately melted at the sound of her persuasive voice. The blonde eyed Zoro suspiciously one last time, as if to say _this isn't over yet_, before spinning on his heel to attend to the dinner. Nami smirked triumphantly at having avoided disaster.

Zoro groaned inwardly as he plonked himself down at the table.

_Sanji, you have _no_ idea what you've gotten us into._

* * *

><p><em>Dishing out dinner was the easy bit.<em>

"_What do you mean, I _have_ to play along? Why not just let the marimo get married off? He should count himself lucky someone as beautiful as Lady Sierra actually _wants_ to marry him!"_

_Nami whacked him with a plate._

"_Shhh! You know what Luffy's like, he'll never forgive you if you don't help save his first nakanama."_

_Sanji grumbled as he returned to ladling out the Curry dishes. He could see from the corner of his eye's, Lady Sierra sitting primly at the dining table being entertained by Usopp's story telling._

"_Besides," Nami continued, with an greedy glint in her eye. "She's _loaded!_ That ring she had for Zoro must be worth at least a few million Beli! We should come up with a plan to get our hands on some of that gold..."_

"_You're cute when you're money hungry," Sanji sighed. "But you know she's going to follow us around until Zoro and I actually get married."_

"_We'll reach that bridge when we get to it," Nami huffed, picking up the curry dishes. "Now hurry up and play a nice fiance to Zoro. We have a guest to entertain!"_

* * *

><p>"That was delicious, Sanji."<p>

_Shitty cook._

"Made with love, darling."

_Marimo._

Zoro felt a vein throb in his head as he forced the 100th fake smile onto his face at the infuriating man across the table. Likewise, Sanji was gritting his teeth hard as he grinned back, cigarette firing away between his lips. He had caught on quickly to who Lady Sierra was, and what was happening.

"So," Lady Sierra purred, swirling her glass of wine. "Tell me. How did you two meet?"

"Oh it was incredibly romantic," Usopp butted in.

"Really now?"

"Absolutely," Nami smiled cheerfully. "Roronoa is such a _romantic_, truly. He practically wooed Sanji from day one."

"You must tell me all about it," Lady Sierra smiled expectantly. "Is he really that Romantic? Doesn't sound very _Zoro_ like to me."

Sanji hastily straightened up in his seat as he noticed Sierra eyeing him questioningly.

"Ah right," he said, a devilish smirk crossing his face. "It's hard to believe isn't it. Not something you'd expect out of a grunting, thickheaded swordsman. We met at the restaurant I was working at, didn't we Zoro? He took me aside, got down on his knee's with a bouquet of beautiful roses and announced that he was in love with me."

Zoro spluttered.

_Roses, yeah right._

"Well you see," He quickly counteracted. "I knew Sanji was the girly type the moment I saw him. He practically melted when he saw the roses I got for him," he sneered.

This time it was Sanji's turn to blush and splutter with humiliation.

"Girly type?" He hissed across the table, before resuming his posture. "Yes well I suppose any decently groomed man would look girly to you after so many months at sea. How long was it you'd seen a real woman before we met?"

Zoro folded his arms tightly.

"Plenty, my mistaken darling. Where else would I have learnt the skills to woo you?"

"Perhaps in one of those bars you like to liqour up in."

"At least a real man goes to a proper bar, you pansy chef."

"Who're you calling pansy?"

Sanji slammed his hand on the table, and the two opposing males stood up to glare at each other.

Usopp hastily grabbed onto Sanji's arm, pulling him back down onto the bench. "There there, ah. The passion of young lover's, it's strong isn't it?" He tried to cover up feebly.

Lady Sierra simply laughed.

Zoro felt a drop of sweat slide down his forehead.

"You're right. They are quite the passionate couple, now that you mention it Usopp kun."

Zoro stood up abruptly again, shoving the barrel he was sitting on away.

"I'm going to bed," he decided to grunt. At least the nightmare of a dinner was over, and a good night's sleep would make him feel better in the morning.

Lady Sierra smiled sweetly at him. "Quite understandable. Sanji, aren't you going with him?"

Zoro and Sanji spluttered simultaeniously.

"Surely, you two share a hammock?" She continued in her sickly sugary voice.

"Of course not!" Sanji protested.

"Nope!" Nami agreed. "Ever since they've been engaged, I decided that they could use the bed in my navigation room. It's a double bed you know, much more… _comfortable_."

_That evil bitch,_ Zoro thought to himself, seeing red.

"Let's just get out of here. Sanji," Zoro snapped, heading towards the exit.

Sanji swallowed thickly as he slowly pushed himself up from the table to follow the Zoro, begrudgingly.

Nami, Usopp, Luffy and that darn Lady Sierra smiled up after them.

"Sleep well!"

* * *

><p><em>Lady Sierra returned to her ship, mildly curious at the change of events.<em>

_Nami climbed into a spare hammock, reminding herself it was worth the discomfort if she could squeeze some gold out of the rich Lady pirate._

_Usopp fell asleep with a grin on his face, thinking he had saved the day. Little did he know what murderous thoughts were streaming through a certain chef's mind, involving the use of various kitchen utensils._

_And finally, Luffy conked off with a chicken bone still wedged between his lips, happy that his first nakanama Zoro was safe and sound._

* * *

><p>"This is ridiculous."<p>

"You're telling me."

Zoro and Sanji had been standing in the navigation room for a total of 15 minutes, staring at the bed in front of them. This was Nami's bed, covered in light pink fluffy covers and stuffed with pink white pillows. Normally, Sanji would have been ecstatic if his Nami-swan offered her bed for him to use.

But this was… this was ridiculous.

Sanji's hands ached for a cigarette.

"Right, well I'm going to sleep," Zoro announced, taking the first step towards the bed.

"OI! Who said you could have Nami-swan's bed?" Sanji yelled.

"What? I'm tired?"

Sanji reached out abruptly to grab the swordsman's strong shoulder, pulling him back. The marimo head yelped as he stumbled backwards, and the two of them scrambled towards the pink bed to claim it as their own. They crashed onto the covers in a flurry of legs kicking and fists punching.

Three minutes of wrestling later, they pulled apart, panting heavily.

Sanji growled.

"There's no way I'm sharing a bed with a sweaty animal like you."

Zoro's eye twitched. "What's the big deal, quit being such a prissy stuck up shitty cook why dontcha."

"I'm NOT…" Sanji shook as he forced himself to calm down. "I'm _not_ prissy."

"Well one of us is going to have to sleep on the floor."

Sanji glared steadily at Zoro.

"_You're _the one who got me into this mess. I'm only putting up with it because it's the only way to keep you as nakanama for the others. God knows I would have kicked you off the ship if I had it my way."

"Well you should've," Zoro snorted. "You would've done me a favour. It's your own damn fault you didn't kick me."

"Are you being ungrateful, you bastard?" Sanji growled.

Zoro eyed him steadily.

"Right," the swordsman conceded. "Fine. Have the god damned bed then, if you want it that badly."

A wave of relief passed over Sanji as the marimo head finally shuffled himself out of the bed, followed by the clinking of his three swords. He watched as Zoro settled himself on the other side of the room, sitting with his back against the wall and hugging the swords under one of his arms – his usual nap pose.

Sanji shrugged his jacket off and placed it aside. He wondered briefly whether he should strip to his boxers like he usually did when he went to sleep, but the thought of taking more clothing off in front of the swordsman repulsed him. He kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed, deciding it was much better this way.

He inhaled the sweet smelling covers, heart fluttering as he mildly remembered that this was Nami's bed. Staring up at the wooden ceiling, his mind wandered back to the strange beautiful lady.

"Oi, Marimo," he suddenly remembered. "About Lady Sierra…"

"Court her all you want," Zoro immediately replied without opening his eyes.

"Stupid, that's not what I meant," Sanji snapped. "I was going to ask, what does someone as beautiful as her want anything to do with you?"

In the dark, he could just about make out the irritated snarl on Zoro's face.

"_Good night,_ shitty cook."

Sanji narrowed his eyes at the swordsman, before turning over stubbornly with a huff and pulling the sheets up around him.

_Fucking Marimo._

* * *

><p>Wah that was a long chapter lol.<p>

Thanks to those who read/reviewed the first chapter, I was surprised haha :D

x


	3. Chapter 3

**Ring of Doom**

_By Luffysama_

**Summary: **Zoro becomes engaged to Sanji, much to his despair.

**Pairing: **Zoro x Sanji, ZoSan

**Rating: **M for future chapters.

* * *

><p>Zoro woke first.<p>

It was no surprise. In the Grand Line, most mornings were freezing cold and Zoro couldn't get comfortable enough to fall back asleep again. Faint sunlight was already beginning to beam through the porthole, and it wouldn't be long before the crew would wake.

Sighing, Zoro stretched out his aching limbs. He cast a glare at the sleeping chef across the room.

_Shitty cook._

He couldn't understand why Sanji was so against sharing a double bed. He could still remember that stubborn look on the blonde's face, completely adament that there was no way they could sleep on the same mattress. Zoro had conceded, merely because he had no wish to waste energy fighting with a prim idiot.

Distantly, he heard a bell ring.

It was Lady Sierra's ship, probably the morning bell no doubt.

Sanji stirred at the noise, leaning up slightly in bed. He ran a hand through his tangled blonde hair and began to grope around his body, looking for a cigarette. Zoro watched with amusement as Sanji lit one up, placing it to his lips and taking a deep breath of poison. The blonde, feeling his gaze, cast him a sideways glare.

"You look shit," Zoro announced.

Sanji flicked his lighter shut, blowing a cloud of smoke. "Fuck you," he replied bluntly, his voice sounding rough.

Suddenly, there were voices outside on deck.

Zoro frowned as he concentrated. Nami's voice… and _Lady Sierra's voice_… wafted through the thin wooden walls. Zoro unconciously clenched onto his three swords, realizing that the foot steps were coming towards their door. Sanji too, had realized that people were coming and tensed up.

"Shit," the cook hissed. "Get your ass over here!"

_Crap_.

Zoro scrambled to his feet as he dashed towards the bed. Sanji flung the cover's over his body as he clambered in, just in time before there was a loud knock on the door.

"Ohaiyo!" Nami trilled, flinging the door open. She strolled in, closely followed by Lady Sierra. "Awww, look at the two, all snuggled up in bed together."

_That was close._

Zoro was panting lightly from the shock, realizing that he had naturally wrapped his arm around the blonde man whilst diving into the bed. Sanji's face had turned red, and he was abruptly shoved back. Zoro hastily removed his arm from the blonde, wishing the cook didn't get so grumpy all the time.

Trying to wipe the irritated look on his face, he sat up in bed to see Nami and Lady Sierra holding trays.

"I had our ship's cook prepare some breakfast for you two. My treat," Lady Sierra smiled, placing the breakfast tray down on the table. "Sunny side up eggs, fried tuna and some fresh juice."

Sanji, who had previously been scowling, immediately sat up straight with a smile. "Thank you, Nami-swan, Lady Sierra!" He crooned lovingly.

Zoro immediately put his hand over Sanji's mouth and shoved him back down onto the pillows with an 'oomph'.

"How nice of you," Zoro forced himself to say, glaring at the all-too-innocent Nami.

"I've ordered breakfast for Luffy kun and Usopp kun so that you can have a nice little extra _morning_ _time_ together. I know how demanding it is for the cook to wake up every morning to feed the crew."

Zoro tried not to splutter at what Lady Sierra was insinuating by 'morning time'.

"Right," he managed to say. "_Thank you_."

"My pleasure, Zoro kun," Lady Sierra flashed a pearly white smile towards him.

Zoro shivered at the sound of his name and watched uneasily as the Lady captain glided out of the room. That damn, alluring, blonde, trickster of a woman was up to something, Zoro was sure. As soon as she exited, Nami turned towards him with an excited look in her eyes, clearly unthreatened.

"You guy's are doing a good job!" She whispered happily.

Zoro groaned. "This is madness."

"I'll say," Sanji muttered with mutual agreement.

Nami whacked them both not so gently across the head. "Quiet. You two keep up the chirade until I figure out a way to get some gold off of her."

"I should've known you were only in it for the gold."

"What can I say?" Nami said cheerfully. "She doesn't seem entirely convinced though. Maybe you could kick it up a notch… you know. Nicknames, hand holding, groping, that sort of thing."

Zoro opened his mouth to protest, but he was beaten to it by Sanji.

"Are you serious!" Sanji hissed, looking infuriated. "Please tell me you didn't just say that!"

"Hey!" Zoro felt mildly offended. "It can't be that horrible. It's embarrassing for me too…"

"Oh _you're_ embarrassed?" The chef snapped. "Everyone's going to think the best I could do is a grumpy marimo head obsessed with swords!"

The swordsman twitched at that.

"Is this the best you two can really do?" Nami suddenly interrupted, hands on her hips. "You both made a commitment. Are you going to screw it up now over some silly argument, or man up and see it through to the end?"

Silence fell over the bedroom.

Zoro shrugged.

"I'll play along. But I won't force Sanji to do anything he isn't comfortable with – after all, this is my problem."

Sanji shifted uneasily, his face unreadable. But there was an unspoken challenge in the air.

"I'll see it through to the end," he finally said, sounding stiff. "It won't be the first time I've had to save your arse."

Zoro snorted, but didn't rise to the bait.

Satisfied, Nami flashed them a simpering smile. "That's settled then. Put on a good show for Lady Sierra, aye? We're having barbeque for dinner with her later on her ship."

With that, she exited the room.

Another uncomfortable silence fell over Zoro and Sanji, who were still sitting side by side in Nami's pink bed. Zoro grinned as he nudged the other man with his elbow playfully, trying to break the awkward spell.

"I suppose we could hold hands today or something," he mused.

The blonde cook turned a violent shade of red, looking murderous.

"Get out, Marimo."

"Alright, alright, I'm moving, geez," Zoro said hastily, clambering back out of bed.

If only Usopp had chosen a more convincing candidate to be his 'fiance'.

* * *

><p><em>The day passed by relatively smoothly.<em>

_Zoro hid himself away in the crows nest. Sanji occupied himself feeding Luffy meat. The two had absolutely no reason to inflict pain on each other, so this worked out well._

_Usopp was busy too, clanging away with his hammer._

_When he showed Zoro the sparkly ring he had made for him to give to Sanji, he was promptly punched into the sea._

"_Cook's don't wear rings," Zoro explained._

* * *

><p>Sanji swallowed.<p>

As predicted, he was the first to show up on Lady Sierra's Black Ship.

_Damn Zoro,_ he thought to himself. You could always count on the swordsman to be late.

It was already dark and the sky was filled with a blanket of stars. Luckily, the weather had been peaceful all day and the two ships sailed side by side peacefully, aided by the evening breeze.

Luffy, Nami and Usopp were lounging on the deck, sipping martini's and being pampered by the Black Ship crew. They were laughing and playing cards with several other pirates, as if they were having the time of their life. And Sanji was secretly jealous of their carefree attitudes.

_They _weren't the ones getting married to Zoro. _They_ had nothing to worry about.

"Welcome, Sanji kun," Lady Sierra crooned.

Sanji smiled, unable to act rude in front of a beautiful lady. "Good evening."

"We haven't started the barbeque yet, I'm afraid. I was rather hoping you'd cook for us tonight."

Sanji laughed politely.

"That's no problem with me."

The two of them settled down into deck chairs, and Sanji accepted a pink flavoured drink from a passing pirate-waiter. He sipped it, wishing desperately that Nami or Usopp would rescue him. Alas, they were far too busy playing their card game to notice.

"Finally some time alone together," Lady Sierra said, folding a leg over delicately.

Sanji smiled hesitantly.

"I do hope my arrival didn't shock you last night. I'm not surprised Zoro kept this whole secret to himself. You're not… mad at him, are you?"

"Not at all. Why would I be mad?" Sanji blinked.

"Well I noticed you and Zoro barely talked to each other today. Don't tell me he hasn't apologized to you yet?"

The blonde coughed lightly.

"I can't deny, thing's have been a bit tense lately," he admitted. "But everything's fine now, really."

Lady Sierra tsk'ed.

"Zoro really is a thickhead sometimes," she commented warmly, then chuckled. "But nothing a night of make up sex won't solve!"

Sanji almost spat out his drink.

"M-make up sex?" He stuttered, feeling his cheeks heat up at the thought.

"Oh please," Lady Sierra laughed. "There's no need to be shy around me. _Surely_ you two have had sex already."

Sanji hid his face behind his glass as he gulped down the drink hastily. _Damn woman,_ he thought to himself. Lady Sierra had probably gotten the _entirely_ wrong idea, when she had walked in on them that morning. Of course, Sanji's hair was always a mess when he woke up. There was no conceivable way that Sanji had been ruffled up by Zoro, much less have _make up _sex with the man.

"I think you got the wrong idea…" he began.

Lady Sierra immediately retreated, looking apologetic.

"Ah, gomen nasai," she apologized. "I just assumed you two had sex last night. I suppose it's more natural between a man and a woman, after all… it takes a woman to satisfy."

Her voice sounded smug.

Sanji placed his glass down, trying to hold back the glare on his face. Now the damned woman was insinuating he wasn't good enough for Zoro in bed. Lady Sierra was sipping her drink innocently as they eyed each other challengingly.

_Two can play that game._ Afterall, he did promise Nami he would put on a convincing show.

"Actually," Sanji corrected. "We have plenty of sex. Frequently."

"Really?" She raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Oh yeah," He nodded, getting into the swing of it. "Twice a day. In fact, he often comes back to bed begging for thirds. Sometime's it'll last the whole night. Hot, passionate, steamy _sex._"

He grinned smugly as Lady Sierra reeled back looking defeated. For a wild second, Sanji was triumphant. This lying thing was easier than hethought. He could even give Usopp a run for his money.

Then his heart stopped as he heard two footsteps approach behind him.

"Zoro kun, you made it after all," Lady Sierra said suddenly.

Sanji froze.

Slowly, he turned around and winced as he realized Zoro had been standing behind him. He grimaced inwardly as he replayed the last little speech in his head. _Hot, passionate, steamy, satisfying sex._ There was no way that Zoro didn't hear that.

Zoro looked partially stunned, standing there with a blank stare on his face as he held a bottle of booze in one hand. Sanji wanted to sink through the ship and into the ocean with embarrassment.

"Sanji. Lady Sierra," Zoro remembered to greet. "Am I interrupting?"

Sanji leapt to his feet hastily.

"Look at the time," he blurted. "I really got to get started on that barbeque."

He hastily retreated from the scene, heart thumping as he felt Lady Sierra and Zoro watching him leave.

* * *

><p><em>Nami, Usopp stifled their giggles behind their poker cards as Sanji passed by, having heard everything he had said. If Sanji knew, he would probably give them all a kick up their backsides.<em>

"_Who'dve thought he'd come up with something like that," Nami wiped a tear from her eye._

"_A man after my own heart," Usopp sighed, giggling madly._

_Luffy simply stared between the two, completely baffled by what was so funny._

* * *

><p>Zoro stared.<p>

"_Hot, passionate, steamy, satisfying sex…"_

Good thing he had finished swallowing his last gulp of booze, otherwise he would've sprayed it across the ship deck. Did Sanji really say that? The blonde chef had jumped up and excused himself so quickly, Zoro almost thought he was hallucinating. He couldn't help but smirk, when he realized that Sanji had indeed said that. _That love cook_, Sanji was actually making an effort to be convincing, much to his surprise.

"Hey Zoro, you're finally here!" Nami greeted, bouncing over. "Finally we can start the barbeque, I'm starving."

"So am I," Luffy groaned, gripping his stomach as if he was in agony. The rubberman punched Zoro playfully. "How could you make me wait so long for my meat!" He demanded.

Zoro shrugged dismissively.

He had been reluctant to show up at all. He had been purposefully avoiding Sanji the entire day, just to give the man some personal space. Afterall, Sanji wasn't someone to be harassed when he was agitated. Zoro certainly didn't want to risk getting kicked in the face in front of Lady Sierra.

"Luffy's been telling me what a fantastic cook your Sanji kun is," Lady Sierra said. "I suppose that's part of the reason why you're so attracted to him?"

Zoro scratched his head.

"I s'pose."

Usopp, as usual, put his big nose where it didn't belong. "That's actually how he fell in love with Sanji in the first place. The moment Zoro tasted Sanji's grilled eel rice and special udon, he knew Sanji was special. To this day, Zoro still loves to watch Sanji cook…"

Zoro hastily wrapped a strong arm around Usopp's head as the sharpshooter squeaked. He rubbed the head with his other fist, faking a loud laugh. "That's enough from you," he said playfully, but the glare in his eye's got the message across to Usopp.

"Well you don't have to stick around to entertain me," Lady Sierra smiled. "You must be eager to get back to your Sanji Kun."

"That's right," Nami gave him a little nudge with her elbow. "Run along to Sanji. I'm sure he's missing your _touch_."

_Christ_.

Zoro wasn't going to have any peace.

Sighing, he released Usopp's head abruptly (causing the struggling sharpshooter to fall into a pile of barrels) and began to head over to the barbeque set. Sanji had already fired up the grill and was chopping up thick chunky slices of steak, fish and octopus with a rather large looking cleaver.

Zoro swallowed thickly, wondering if it really was such a good idea to approach an embarrassed, agitated cook with a large knife in his talented hands.

However, Nami, Usopp and Lady Sierra were within eyesight, and he couldn't back out now.

He hovered behind Sanji, before reaching out with his hands to grasp the apron strings that had become loose. He undid the strings and tightened up the knot, making a neat bow that rested just above Sanji's hips.

Sanji jumped at his touch, head immediately snapping around to glare at him.

Sensing danger, Zoro grabbed onto the man's hips to keep him still, lowering his voice to speak into Sanji's ear.

"Relax," he murmured. "We're just putting on a show, remember?"

Sanji relaxed slightly under his hands, although Zoro could still feel the tension. The cook whacked away at the meat a few times, cleaver shining dangerously. The blonde hair tickled against Zoro's cheek as he cautiously rested his head on the man's shoulder.

"Your waist is small," Zoro noted bluntly, without thinking.

Sanji's waist was slim for a man, slimmer than Zoro had originally imagined. Or perhaps it was Zoro's hands that were larger from handling swords all the time. Either way, two thirds of his waist sat perfectly under his hands and gave him a rather satisfying feeling of power and control.

He squeezed Sanji's waist lightly, feeling the man squirm uncomfortably.

"Stop that. It tickles," Sanji huffed, giving one last _chop_ with his cleaver. "We wouldn't want any slip ups with my knife would we."

Zoro huffed back in reply.

"Fucking marimo," the cook muttered under his breath.

* * *

><p>Sanji squirmed as he felt Zoro squeeze his waist again, indicating that he had heard the insult.<p>

"Shitty cook," Zoro breathed against his cheek.

Settling the cleaver down carefully, Sanji wriggled himself free from Zoro's firm grasp and turned around to face him. He grimaced as Zoro simply settled his large hands back onto his hips, reclaiming their warm spot. It made Sanji feel incredibly uncomfortable at how close Zoro was standing.

Automatically, he grabbed Zoro's arms to push them away but they held firm.

"Listen here," he muttered, calming his voice down. "You're lucky that I've decided to make a special effort for you. But I don't recall agreeing that _you_ would be the one doing the _touching_."

Zoro blinked blankly with that thickhead expression he always held.

Sanji sighed. "If anyone's going to do the groping, it's me," he repeated slowly.

"I'm barely touching you," Zoro protested, raising an eyebrow. "What's the big difference? We're just trying to prove a point to Lady Sierra."

"_Because_," Sanji hissed, feeling his cheeks heat up. "It makes _me_ look like the girly one in the relationship."

Zoro snorted.

"Alright, alright," he conceded, loosening his grip around Sanji's waist.

Sanji gritted his teeth.

He wasn't going to back down. He could pull this off. If Zoro could do it, then so could he, _damn it._ Heart thumping wildly, he slowly inched his hand's up Zoro's arms. The muscles flexed lightly in response under his fingers, and Zoro watched steadily as Sanji wrapped his arms loosely around his neck in a feeble embrace.

_This was harder than he thought._

He grimaced as Zoro reflexively wrapped his own arms around his waist, their bodies only an inch away from each other.

Sanji held them apart steadily, despite how uncomfortable it was trying to keep their distance. If only Zoro had been a girl, he would have had no problem with a simple, comforting hug. He sighed at his own inability to overcome such a small problem.

Glancing over Zoro's shoulder, he could see Nami and the others drinking cocktails and chatting away enthusiastically. The lucky bastards.

"Should we attempt a kiss?" Zoro joked.

Sanji looked back at Zoro and glared.

"Try and I'll make you regret it," he snapped. "I'm going to start on the barbeque now."

They released each other awkwardly from the embrace.

Satisfied that they had put on a small 'display' of affection, Sanji turned back around to get started on dinner. He was caught off guard when he suddenly felt a large hand defiantly grab his bum with a slap, giving it a firm _squeeze_. Reddening, he spun back around to punch the damn swordsman but Zoro had already made his escape.

_God damn it,_ he thought to himself, slapping the meat onto the sizzling grill.

His right bum cheek still tingled from the touch.

* * *

><p>Phwoar.<p>

I haven't written for so long it feels stiff lol, but had to push this chapter out. Hope you enjoy :)

x


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